Every time I revisit the 'eLf ideas' newslettersThat I used to make and distribute in the lateNineties and reread what I had written in those days,I can still smile at the ideas I was able toChurn out at that age and with having no formalBackground in writing; however, I now usuallyFind myself blushing in shame at the way IBrusquely expressed many ideas and viewsoftenArrogant, couldn't-care-less, lots ofNeologisms, verbose rather than eloquent,Flamboyant rather than precise.

I even remember declaring in one article: "ThisIs my literary world, and you are just myPlatypi. I can do whatever I want; I can writeWhatever I think of. You can't do anythingBut read."

That now triggers goose bumps on my nape.The arrogance of Youth.The "I am an anarchist" stage of life!

But, age and experience canReally mellow people.

I'm glad I was given the chance to work in aPublishing company such as Diwa Scholastic Press Inc.,Where I realized thatmore than expressing my viewsAnd "brilliant ideas" and writing with a bitIntent of impressingbeing able to communicateFeelings and concern and knowledge in the mostSubtle and compromising way most oftenHits the goal.

I hope that I have indeed mellowed down and hadRather become calmer and more patient: no longerShoving, instead suggesting; expressing, notImpressing, contributing, not monopolizing;Clarifying, not concluding; offering, notImposing; and accepting and considerate, noLonger rejecting and indifferent.

I hope that the I don't careWhat people say" rebel days have allBeen really gone.

Wency Cornejo was right after all:"You can't be so radical...."

I remember myself back those carefreeDayswhenever a jeepney or tricycle driverWouldn't give my fifty-centavo change, I wouldFlare up and confront the equally flared-Up guy just to get my well-deserved change,Ignoring the possibility of myself getting hitWith a pipe at the least.

Now, caught in the same situationI wouldRather simply smile and walk away, believingThat the hardworking driver most likely deservesThe fifty-centavo better than I deserve it andAvoiding the possibility of a senseless death.

- Thursday, May 6, 2004;Surrey, British Columbia, CanadaWhile listening to "Next in Line" by After Image('Touch the Sun'; 1992, Dyna Products)

?2004 eLf ideas