When I thought of writing this story, I assumed it would be easy: that it would be simply be a discharge of sentiments that I've kept for quite a long time. Although, it had been a couple of years now, it's still a torture to summon up an event in my life that had left me devastated. And now, for me to say firmly that it's settled and over, I had to open the box where I've hidden my true self and finally step-out of it. To do that I had to vent my feelings through words.

Meeting him at my cousin's grad party a year earlier before we were officially on, we first found ourselves disliking each other. I was annoyed by his pride. He was irritated because I was snobbish.

But when we learned more about each other, we found ourselves on the same wavelength. And then it happened, we were both ecstatic when we became a couple. Here was a charming, smart and free-spirited man who matched and even surpassed my energy, peculiarity and principles. It was tough because we had a long distance relationship on our first year. It was complicated because the relationship wasn't known by my family. It wasn't perfect- we had our share of differences that we fought over. But the good times far outweighed the gloomy days. On many ways, we complemented each other. From here to down under, our mutual friends conceded the unavoidable: he and I settling down. I myself was confident we eventually would.

The confidence wasn't only drawn from the attachment we developed with our respective friends but even more with the openness we set on our relationship. Without me asking, he spilled the beans on his past high spirited behaviour. The honesty he showed was overwhelming. People can change, I say. Watching him plan a future with me when he claims he never thought about it in the past was somehow a guarantee. Sensing his efforts, I vowed to keep things together.

Three months after our second year anniversary, I noticed his silence, I felt his guilt. When I probed what was wrong, he told me there's nothing to be concerned about. He was just stressed with school work, he said. And so I brushed it off- although at the back of my mind, my instinct was hinting a different story.

We were on the phone one day when he hesitatingly broke the blowing line: "We need to talk" He confirmed my suspicions: he had been involved with another woman and the situation escalated because the third party was so dear to me. Dumbfounded, I couldn't utter any sensible word. Seeing him after a week, there was already an invisible wall between us. I tried to remain diplomatic but I couldn't hold being composed. It was devastatingly painful to realize that he had been fooling around when all the time I completely trusted him. I recollect an incident when he accused me of seeing another guy, when all the while he'd been the one cheating on me. I reminded him of our deal breaker when we were still working on our foundation: if either one of us turns unfaithful, that ends everything.

His astonished expression when I dropped my final decision to let him go remains vivid to this day. Perhaps he could not believe that the woman who used to drop everything for him would firmly mouth those words. For the first time, I saw him break down and sob like someone who was shaken by a big loss.

I do miss him, very much, in fact. I especially miss his infectious sense of humor. The physical evidence of him being a part of my life is easy to dispose but the emotional connection then was too stubborn to go away. I maybe young that time but at seventeen, I'm claiming my first broken heart. So it's true: it's never easy to let go of someone you love and have shared wonderful memories with. Somewhere along the way he had simply stumbled. I was the one bruised, but at least I can walk straight, guilt-free and move on without limping from a big loss.